Tag Archives: Thoughts

Random Thoughts And Humor

Random thoughts mostly from the past week!

“When you write on ideas that offend people,
Simply because they take it personally,
That just means,
That it was meant for them!” – Doug Chandler

I have grown up under the ‘Original’ guidance of Jesus Christ and have now become the ‘Modern Day God’ that he had struggled to become! ๐Ÿ˜›

The Church preaches against Pride, but then they constantly practice what they preach against!
So, I like to antagonize them while making them prove my point!

My brothers (Christ) last thoughts wereโ€ฆ.

“Life is short,
When you are,
Hanging around,
On a cross!”

“By doing something constructive
We can accomplish Great things,
By doing nothing constructive,
We become a waste of space!”

“To Think Big,
We must ask ourselves,
What we can do for others!
To Think Small,
Just ask yourself,
What you can do for yourself!”

“We are the result,
Of the choices we make,
So if you ever want to improve,
Just start making better choices!”

“Simplicity is the KEY to Intelligence,
While Complexity is the KEY to Stupidity!
One day you will be surprised,
To understand how True that really is!” – Doug Chandler

In the REAL world,
Life is to short,
To be a Whiner!

If anything I say pisses you off, that is OK.
This just means that you have taken it personally.
This is a good thing because I have got your mind in motion.
Now you are going to be thinking about it until you get a clue!

Sorry for being so Honest!

I have bowel movements whenever god reaches down and gives me a big hug!
I guess he doesn’t know his own strength!

When I go to appointments, I always seem to forget something when I leave!
Just the other day I went to the dentist to get my last tooth cleaned!
On my way home I had that feeling once again that I had forgotten something!
Sure enough, for the second time in a row, I had forgotten my underwear there!
Not a very professional business if they can’t even remind their customers to take all their clothes with them when they leave!

They say, “Once you go black, you’ll never go back!”
I love my 3 creamer, 2 sugar, 1 hot cholcolate, flavored coffee!
I’m glad that saying came with a warning!
Or I might have gotten stuck drinking bitter coffee for the rest of my life!

From one ex-pornstar to another,
Its not the size that matters,
Its how you play golf with it!
Because 18 holes in a row can get very tiring!

Back in the day we were healthy alcoholics!
We would fill a barrel with cut up fruits,
Pour in a bunch of different types of whiskey/hard liquor,
Let it soak into the fruit,
Then get completely wasted off of eating fruit!
For those born yesterday, ๐Ÿ˜›
It was called a Spodie!

“It’s how we take our failures in life,
That defines who we are!” – DC

I got into an argument with myself the other day and I won the argument!
That was a first!

The last Political debate I saw on TV was of Trump and Biden!
I just thought it was the NEW Beavis and Butthead series!

Have a Laughable Day!